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Awake in bed again.
A few months ago I was lying awake in the middle of the night, again. My head full of to-dos, tired but restless. I had pushed through everything I’d set out to do: projects, social events, sport, reading, meditation. But inside I was empty.
I was functioning, sure.
But I didn’t feel anything any more. No joy, no depth, no real connection.
And then it dawned on me: I wasn’t sleeping properly any more. Hadn’t been for a long time. And that was the root of a lot of what wasn’t right.
Matthew Walker.
I started reading and researching, including the book Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker, one of the best-known sleep scientists in the world. It completely changed how I see sleep. Walker doesn’t describe sleep as a break, but as an active high-performance phase for body and brain, in which we learn, heal, stabilise and recover emotionally.
What I understood:
Poor sleep doesn’t just rob me of energy. It upsets my emotional balance, my ability to learn, my creativity – even my ability to have real relationships.
Why poor sleep sabotages us.
Matthew Walker shows that sleep deprivation activates the same brain regions as heavy drinking. A single night with less than six hours of sleep reduces cognitive performance, emotional stability and the ability to deal with stress. In the long run, the risk of depression, anxiety disorders, heart disease and Alzheimer’s rises.
Especially important: deep sleep strengthens our emotional memory. In REM sleep (dream sleep) we process emotional experiences, integrate what happened and release tension. If you regularly disrupt that sleep, you stay emotionally tense – like a PC that never restarts.
What can we do?
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Fixed sleep times.
Your body loves rhythm. If you go to bed and get up at the same time every day, your circadian rhythm stabilises. That improves falling asleep, staying asleep and the quality of your REM sleep.
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Build sleep pressure
Over the day, your body builds up sleep pressure through the messenger adenosine. If you drink caffeine during the day (especially after 1 pm), you block that process. According to Walker, afternoon coffee is like an inner sleep refuser.
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Digital hygiene, especially at night.
Walker warns about the effect of blue light on melatonin production. Melatonin is the hormone that makes us tired. Even 30 minutes on your smartphone in the evening can lower its release massively. So: screens off 60–90 minutes before bed, phone out of the bedroom.
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No alcohol as a sleep aid.
Many people believe a glass of wine helps them fall asleep. It might help you fall asleep – but it wrecks your REM sleep. You sleep more restlessly, wake up more often, and your body can’t recover properly.
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Design your bedroom deliberately.
Sleep needs the right environment: dark (blackout curtains or a sleep mask), cool (ideally 17–19 °C), quiet (earplugs or white noise). No desk in the bedroom. It should be a place of rest, not of productivity.
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How many hours of sleep?
A healthy adult needs 7–9 hours of sleep a night on average. In that time we go through about 4–6 sleep cycles. Each cycle lasts around 90 minutes and contains one REM phase. The REM phase starts at about 10 minutes and grows to up to 60 minutes over the course of the night.
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Protect your deep-sleep phases
The REM phases are essential for physical and mental recovery. Among other things, the hormone leptin is released during them – the one that makes us feel full after a meal. At the same time cortisol levels drop, which reduces stress. And in this phase the brain consolidates what you learned and stores important information.
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When to eat your last meal?
If you eat right before bed, your body stays in work mode. Instead of focusing on rest and recovery, it puts energy into digestion. That disrupts your natural sleep rhythm: the REM phases in particular, in which your brain processes impressions and sorts itself out emotionally, get shortened and interrupted.
What changed?
I didn’t start sleeping better overnight, but I stopped ignoring sleep. And that was the start of everything: more clarity, more depth, more real energy. I feel my days again. I listen better, I’m more focused at work and more connected in my relationships. By now my sleep routine isn’t a must any more but a ritual I look forward to.
If you feel empty, stuck, or like you’re only functioning, don’t go straight to the big questions of life.
Look first at what you do every day. At your routines. Not because you should want less, but because you’re allowed to feel more. More clarity, more depth, more real life.
Change doesn’t always start with answers.
Often it starts with what you repeat today.
Sources
- Walker, Matthew (2017): Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams
- German Sleep Society (Deutsche Gesellschaft für Schlafforschung und Schlafmedizin): dgsm.de
- Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine (2013): Caffeine Effects on Sleep Taken 0, 3, or 6 Hours before Going to Bed – Drake et al.
